Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
