If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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