he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
