just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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