Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
