No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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