he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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