this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize