Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
