Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You were trust falling into bushes
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
