Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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