You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
