i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
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I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
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Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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