The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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