sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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