You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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