my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
