they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
