Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
