im drinking this country out of the recession.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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