so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
