There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
