I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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