Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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