What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
