Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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