I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
