I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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