There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
