Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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