Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
