last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
