Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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