i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
