I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
