The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
