She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
