OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
