I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
