im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
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i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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