Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
