I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Never joke about your clitoris.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
