If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
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