with your own penis?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
