I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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