I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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