So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
