How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
