If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
