Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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