Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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