He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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