You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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