and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
