I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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