Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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