If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
