no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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