A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
