i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
