Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
