I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
