I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize