Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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