Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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