I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
