In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
