the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
