I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
