hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
