i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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