Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
