Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
