Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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