i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
