There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
