I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
