that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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