I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
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