Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
