I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Holy sore nipples Batman
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
