Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Randomize
