dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
